ʳᵃᵈᶦᵒ ᵈʳᵃᵐᵃ 🎙️ "Napoleon vs. Cerva – Who Copied Whom?"

ᴵⁿ ᵗᶦᵐᵉˢ ᵒᶠ ᶜˡᶦᵐᵃᵗᵉ ᵉᵐᵉʳᵍᵉⁿᶜʸ https://climateclock.world/

A satirical radio drama in one act

CAST

• Napoleon Bonaparte – short king with a tall ego

• Cerva – old-money Ragusan noblewoman; poised, cutting, effortlessly superior

• Narrator – cheeky but neutral voice of reason 

Optional background music:

• Harpsichord + seagulls for Cerva

• Military drums and dramatic brass for Napoleon

🎧 [Scene opens with fanfare and waves lapping on a stone pier]

Narrator:
In an age of empires and egos, two titans of political fashion clash.
One wields cannonballs.
The other? Maritime law and perfect posture.
Welcome to… Napoleon vs. Cerva – Who Copied Whom?

Cerva:
(Daintily)
Napoléon.
How charming of you to drop by.
Though I must say, barging into republics isn’t exactly a warm hello.

Napoleon:
(Smugly)
Madame Cerva, I brought liberty, equality, fraternity—
Your dusty little city needed a makeover!

Cerva:
(Pause, then a slow sip of wine)
Darling, I banned slavery in 1416.
Had trade deals on three continents before France figured out the fork.
And we never needed powdered wigs to feel important.

Napoleon:
(Brushing it off)
But I modernized Europe! The Napoleonic Code!
Rational laws! Civil rights!

Cerva:
(Raises eyebrow)
Oh please. I had a constitution before your ancestors left the goat farm.
We respected logic, but also decorum.
You? You just renamed looting and called it policy.

Napoleon:
(Stung)
I was building an empire!

Cerva:
And I was building cathedrals, schools, orphanages, diplomacy…
While you were out measuring Europe for new curtains.
What did you conquer again? 20 years? I ran a republic for four centuries — in heels.

Napoleon:
(Mutters)
Still… your people welcomed me. I was the future!

Cerva:
(Sweetly)
No, dear.
We were just polite. It’s called diplomacy.
You should try it sometime — preferably before invading dinner.

Narrator:
Thus concludes the clash of titans:
One wrote laws with grace.
The other scribbled his name on Europe and hoped no one noticed the spelling errors.

Cerva:
(Smiling)
Some republics echo in history.
Others just shout... and trip over their own egos.

Napoleon:
(Exiting, frustrated)
Fine. But I still had the better uniform!

Narrator:
This has been… Napoleon vs. Cerva – Who Copied Whom?

 

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